This post is dedicated to changes in perspective.
I realize that being here has made me much more introspective. Call it selfish, loony, enlightened, too much time on my hands....whatever. I choose to call it: a breath of fresh air. A much, much needed breath of fresh air. In this blog, I hope to accurately articulate what I mean, and wish to share it with all those that have ventured and can relate to it. =)
I don't want to sound like an airy idealist, but isn't it interesting, how easy it is to get caught up in our lives (yes, you can roll your eyes)? So many of life's "givens" occur, most of the time, unacknowleged. Whether we are aware of it or not, there are people living all over the world who do the same thing as everyone else, everyday. We wake up, eat, engage in our daily activities, then sleep again. This routine is a given. But, that's not all. Everyone lives in a different environment, and is born with a unique personality. These differences, I believe, are what make up the "details in the fabric" (thank you, Jason Mraz) of our lives; complicating it, and becoming that which we focus on primarily. Who wants to waste time, analyzing the "givens?" I guess it's a matter of opinion between that of differences, and those of similarities. Even though we all do the same things, everyday, everyone's "reality" is uniquely subjective. Being "realistic" is just another way of saying "be aware of where you are, right now, in your life." Essentially, there is no one way to live. Where you are, in your life, is exactly all that....is.
I have spent copious amounts of time- such an interesting way we measure our lives- doing some personal and, sometimes, uncomfortable analysis. My life here, in Paraguay, has inevitably changed my perspective on reality: that which is mine, and mine alone. I have spent much time here judging, complaining, erring, self-victimizing....all of which have caused me some of the most unpleasant moments I can ever remember. These are inevitable truths about my personality that I have realized and have come to accept, as my own. I realize that feeling low is okay and, often, an important chance to change my perspective. I can't help but compare my reality in Paraguay, and all the idiosyncracies that entail, to what I came from, back in the US. It's natural to compare, judge, and ultimately be frustrated by what doesn't correlate. My first year here has been absolutely filled with these moments of frustration. Things like work ethic, political ethic, educational values, open-mindedness, cultural norms, all have shown me how much my upbringing in a different country, with a very different "reality," has shaped me into who I am today. We all have unique histories like this- we all understand what it feels like to encounter something or someone different and.....clash. This clash often is annoying, deemed unnecessary and stupid, or just plain ignored. All of these feelings I've felt, individually or collectively, during my time here. But, my time here has taught me this: these unique histories, which are completely warranted in their own right, shape our perspectives on life. No one history is more "right" than the other, obviously. Therefore, there is no one "better" perspective on life- just differences amongst them.
All idealistic ramblings must be supplemented with concrete evidence. To do so, I'd like to share a moment I had the other day, with a 17 year old girl, while I was helping her with English homework. (Teaching English- by the way- has been such an enlightening experience. Learning how to teach a language is a fulfilling and humbling opportunity. But, more on this at another time...) Unlike other moments I've had with other students, doing the same exact thing, this experience left an impression on me. Whether it was because I'm feeling particularly open these days, or not (who knows?), I noticed that the five hours I spent there were easy, quick, and....enjoyable. So often I do things, even if just to leave my house, out of obligation. Not this time. Even though these five hours were spent reiterating answers to questions that I can recite in my sleep by now- where am I from? what am I doing here? do I have a boyfriend? do I miss my family? how can you be a woman and live so far away from your family? what is Peace Corps?- I found myself answering them all with the same energy as if it were my first time. Something in me changed- she helped me realize that many of my answers were, to her, brand new and very, very different from her reality. Answering these types of questions, time and time again, easily turns into rote memorization and regurgitation. Not this time. Something about her way of being- her firm grip of who she is, where she's from, and how she sees her world- touched me. Her ability to answer directly, confidently and truthfully, impressed me. Of course, it's not because her answers were particularly striking- she is, after all, a 17 year old girl who talks about normal 17 year old girl things. It was the ease of how she told me about herself, and the way she made me feel at ease, being there with her, talking about myself as well. This easy exchange showed me something fascinating- being self aware is key to true human interactions. Take away all that we build ourselves up to be- and we are just people, in the end, having a conversation. Despite our differences.
So much changed has happened within the past year of my life, reminding me of how time is only this: a uniquely perceived measurement of our lives. Time passes quickly and slowly. Sometimes even cyclically. =) But one thing remains true to me: time is a finite. Our lives, and how we choose to live them, all encounter the same obstacle here on earth: finiteness. I know I'm sounding morbid, but upon realizing this, I am opening myself to a new perspective. I choose to become more aware of my time and how I choose to spend it. I realize that I have many wants and needs, as much as the next person. Deciding to satisfy your true wants and needs takes self-awareness.... and courage. How you choose to satisfy them is what fills in the fun and interesting details.
Life has so many simple truths. We, as people, have unique lives filled with so many unique details. I encourage all to take a moment, or two, to just sit with yourself and think. Of course, time is not always permitting. That's okay, just try to be aware of that. I encourage you to strive for open-mindedness. It's scary, I know, and often easier said than done. Change often is associated with uncomfortable instability. That's okay, too. We are who we are, for various reasons. Yet, I have to ask myself and anyone else this question: What do we gain, or lose, from changing our perspective? Is it worth the gamble, or- better yet- is it really a gamble!? Life's finite amount of time, for all of us here, now, can be lived out in so many different ways. I encourage you to be aware, analyze, prioritize, challenge, and-perhaps- change yourself, if you deem it necessary. It is, in my opinion, the best gift anyone can give to themself- a breath of fresh air, if you will- that re-energizes us to live our life to the fullest.
Like I said, easier said than done- I know =). Good luck, and go travel!! Thank you for taking the "time" to read this.
